Wednesday, 3 October 2012

The Dreams You Gotta Look For

It had always been my dream to be a writer. I was going to have my name on the front of a book, sell a few million and be a household name. Well I really just wanted the book, that would be enough for me. Writing has always been what I was going to do with my life. I was going to go to university, and do some writing degree which would make me a brilliant writer, and even if I didn't, I was going to enjoy it more than anything. But now, it's not my dream anymore. Oddly enough in all of it that hardest part to contemplate is that I may never walk through a university's gates. Going to uni was always something that I was going to definitely do, no matter what I did there. When I was younger I thought that people who didn't go to uni didn't go because they couldn't, and I didn't want to be one of those people. I've since realised that that isn't the case, but I still feel that if I don't have a uni degree to my name, then I won't be seen as someone who could do it. I'll be seen as one of them (I know who I'm talking about at least). I've spent too much time rambling about uni's. Even if I didn't study writing I would study business, or just anything really that make my life end up in an office. I wanted an office job. But now I want to go into theatre, not the acting part, every other part. I want it more than anything. I'd give up writing to do that. I've never wanted anything this much. Part of me wonders if this is just a spur of the moment thing, but I feel that it's not. It's gone from never even contemplating doing what's really spurred it, to it becoming more than the on-the-side thing, to me wanting to do it more than anything. But it's odd no longer wanting to be a great writer. If I died now my one regret would not be that I never got published, as it would've been six months ago. It's funny how thing's change. When there's something you've wanted for so long, it's hard to realise when you stop wanting it. 

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